May 2013
47 posts
tommilsom:
Two scientists walk into a bar
The first scientist says ‘I’ll have a glass of H2O”
The second scientist says ‘I’ll have a glass of water too. Wh… why did you say H2O? Like, I know it’s the chemical formula for water and all, but it’s the end of the day and there’s really no need to intentionally over-complicate things like that in a situation outside of work”
The first scientist...
realhumanbaby:
Someone’s probably in love with you right now, even though you think you’re boring and stupid and smell bad most of the time, someone probably saw you last week and wiped their sweaty hands on the insides of their pockets and thought about how small your body gets under your clothing and about how you would look asleep in their bed
“I used to think that I could never lose anyone if I photographed them enough. In...”
– Nan Goldin (via perfect)
Cosmo Tip #455
menluda:
When he asks if you’re in the mood, look him straight in the eye for a moment and then say “Bitch, I might be.”
When I pretend to be listening to what someone is...
whatshouldwecallme:
“I don’t believe in love at first sight but I do believe in seeing someone from...”
– Ryan O’Connell (via be-thewriter)
“Everyone who terrifies you is sixty-five percent water.
And everyone you love...”
– Finn Butler (via heatheavy)
Ran into three freshman orientation groups today
dietwhiskey:
overheard at goodwill yesterday
little kid: "daddy what's this???"
parent: "it's a movie"
little kid: "no but it's square!"
parent: "... what? it's a vhs."
little kid: *perplexed look*
parent: *with dawning realization and dread* "... is this the first time you've ever seen a vhs before?"
parent: *muttered under breath* "oh my god... i'm an old man"
lastofthetimeladies:
colinfirth:
buttpower:
you never really know someone until you play uno with them and the motherfuckin asshole hits you with a draw four
#friendship has no place at the uno table
#i swear uno doesn’t seem intense and then you play it #and it’s the most intense thing you have ever played
April 2013
90 posts
